The Playoffs Begin...

If you've been watching the Caps Blahg Show, you've noticed our ups and downs, currently limited to the 4-2 win against Tampa and the 7-4 loss against Florida. You've been with us since the beginning, when we were bright-eyed youths fresh from the Shit Talk Academy in Andover, Massachusetts. As playoffs begin, we've grown into men and are beginning our first semester of So. Hood University (Prof. Plies is my favorite so far!), where we plan to drink a lot, yell at the television and (hopefully) see the Caps win numerous playoff games. Here are the things they need to do in order to prevent us from throwing stuff in a rage.

1. Neutralize Sean Avery.

Sean Avery is a douchebag of the highest order. The French word for "shower" is less of a douche than Sean Avery, who is known for being a decent player but a major asshole and causing other players to get mad and kick his ass. The Caps must recognize that he's a mincing fairy that no self-respecting homosexual would be caught dead with and therefore his words are meaningless. Alexander Ovechkin, the greatest hockey player of this day and age, recognizes this and will probably not react when Avery tries to antagonize him. Nevertheless, the rest of the team needs to be cool and not be drawn into a sorority-girl bitch fight that Sean Avery specializes in.

2. Learn how to play defense.

The Caps have never been able to play defense, and asking them to do so is futile. Nevertheless, it couldn't hurt to ask again. Please, Caps, learn how to prevent the puck from going past the goalie, which brings me to the next point.

3. Block shots.

Threeormore is not good. Our defense isn't good. These things matter in the playoffs. Someone needs to stop the goalie from flopping like my on-air jokes and get him to not let in every shot that looks easy. A puck is not a prostitute, Jose.

Stay tuned for possible LIVE Game 2 coverage from the Verizon Center. But definitely tune in to on Monday the 20th at 7pm for Game 3 against the New York Strangers.